Are you sure you're a doctor?

     Dr. Oz is one of the idiots, like Dr. Drew type idiot, who was released on America by Oprah the dumb ass. He was on Fox news (SURPRISE!) and said the following:

“First, we need our mojo back,” Oz told Sean Hannity on the Fox News channel. “Let’s start with things that are really critical to the nation where we think we might be able to open without getting into a lot of trouble. Schools are a very appetizing opportunity.”

    Then he went further:  "Schools are a very appetizing opportunity. I just saw a nice piece in The Lancet arguing the opening of schools may only cost us 2 to 3%, in terms of total mortality. Any, you know, any life is a life lost, but ... that might be a trade off some folks would consider." Are YOU willing to take the chance with your kids life as a "Trade off"? He's wicked for even thinking let alone speaking to millions of viewers. No wonder Fox news viewers are some of the stupidest people on Earth.

     Who's childs life is expendable because these multi millionaire fucks want to get the economy, that Trump tanked, up and running regardless of the risk of spreading Covid-19. Corporate demons, I mean leaders, do not care about the working class at all. We are expected to eat the shit sandwich they feed us. Dr. Oz is an evil man. He can back track his comments and say he 'misspoke' but they seem pretty clear to me. Open the schools and all the businesses again so we can make Republican and Corporate Democrats (Like Biden) more rich. 

     Then there is my least favorite person to ever be on television. Dr. Phil. I should write "Dr." because ol boy lost his liscense to practice psychology in 2006 and does not have a liscence in any other state.


1) He is not a medical doctor. He has a PhD in clinical psychology from the University of North Texas. 
 2) BUT, he is no longer licensed to practice in any state. 
 3) Why? Well...
In1988, the Texas State Board of Examiners of Psychologists determined that he had hired a former patient, without "proper separation between termination of therapy and the initiation of employment." (A MAJOR no no)
4. The patient also made claims of inappropriate contact initiated by Dr. Phil. This was kind of dropped from the case, but it's, you know, -interesting to note.- 
5) He was brought up on ethics charges for having an inappropriate non-physical relationship with a patient in 1989...
6) and in 2008 for practicing psychology without a professional license or certification 
7) and also for violating doctor-patient confidentiality regarding Britney Spears.(Fucking PIG!)
8) He surrendered his Texas license in 2006, and has never held a license to practice psychology in any other state since.
9) Despite not being a medical doctor, he started selling weight loss shakes in 2003. The name of the shakes was "Shape It Up, Woo, Woo!"
10) Because it's illegal to practice psychology without a license (sorry, Lucy from Peanuts) his TV guests have to sign paperwork saying they are only receiving "advice."
11) In other words: He's an entertainer. Maybe even a skilled one! But he's not a doctor. He's not even a licensed psychologist anymore. He's DEFINITELY not an epidemiologist. 12) In conclusion, Lucy from Peanuts is probably a better authority on viruses right now.

     In conclusion Oprah, Gayle King (the one who brought up the false rape allegations about Kobe Bryant during an interview just a few days after he died. Dr. Oz and "Dr." Phil put these people in positions where their audience approves and believes everything they say. Since Saint Oprah gave them the thumbs up they must be legitimate. People need to do due dilligiance, I do over EVERYTHING I read, and find opposite opinions or more facts to present my case.

Special shout out to Rebecca Makkai (Pulitzer & Nat'l Book Award finalist & winner of the ALA Carnegie Medal for THE GREAT BELIEVERS. Artistic Director at @storystudio.) For helping me find more in on "Dr." Phil.
 

       

Open letter to Trump

I had this forwarded to me and I thought it was hilarious if only for the names the writer calls Trump. It pretty much sums up what I think of him however I don't have the ability, well maybe I do have the ability, to put the words together. I've not tried but here is what was sent to me:

    

From the Drummer of Mötley Crüe, Tommy Lee (Not really)

Dear Fucking Lunatic, 

At your recent press conference - more a word salad that had a stroke and fell down stairs, you were CLEARLY so out of your depth you needed scuba gear. Within minutes of going off air your minions were backpedaling faster than Cirque De Soliel acrobats... In India a week ago, i couldn’t get past the bit about your being the most popular visitor in the history of fucking india — a country of a BILLION human souls that’s only 3000 years old, give or take.!!! Trust me - Gandhi pulled CROWDS.. You pulled a cricket stadium and half WALKED out... 

Do you know how fucking insane you sound, you off-brand butt plug? That's like the geopolitical equivalent of “that stripper really likes me” — only 10,000 times crazier and less self aware.

You are fucking exhausting. Every day is a natural experiment in determining how long 300 million people can resist coring out their own assholes with an ice auger. Every time I hear a snippet of your Queens-tinged banshee larynx farts, I want to scream!

We are fucking tired. As bad as we all thought your presidency would be when Putin got you elected, it’s been inestimably worse.

You called a hostile, nuclear-armed head of state “short and fat.” How the fuck does that help?

You accused a woman — a former friend, no less — of showing up at your resort bleeding from the face and begging to get in. You, you, YOU — the guy who looks like a Christmas haggis inexplicably brought to life by Frosty’s magic hat — yes, you of all people said that.

You attempted — with evident fucking glee — to get 24 million people thrown off their health insurance.

You gave billions away to corporations and the already wealthy while simultaneously telling struggling poor people that you were doing exactly the opposite.

You endorsed a pedophile, praised brutal dictators, and defended LITERAL FUCKING NAZIS!

Ninety-nine percent of everything you say is either false, crazy, incoherent, just plain cruel, or a rancid paella of all four.

Oh, by the way, Puerto Rico is still FUBAR. You got yourself and your family billions in tax breaks for Christmas. What do they get? More paper towels?

Enough, enough, enough, enough! For the love of God and all that is holy, good, and pure, would you please, finally and forever, shut your feculent KFC-hole until you have something valuable — or even marginally civil — to say?

You are a fried dick sandwich with a side of schlongs. If chlamydia and gonorrhea had a son, you’d appoint him HHS secretary. You are a disgraceful, pustulant hot stew full of casuistry, godawful ideas, unintelligible non sequiturs, and malignant rage.

You are the perfect circus orangutan diaper from Plato’s World of Forms.

So fuck you Mr. President. And fuck you forever.

Oh, and Pence, you oleaginous house ferret. Fuck you, too. You'll be as useful as a chocolate teapot against a medical crisis you Bible thumping cock socket.

F**K Biden

how fucked up is it that seemingly every four years, we as a country do a collective sigh and cast a vote for whatever person we’ve deemed least likely to ruin our goddamned lives? 
It’s so fucked up that I simply refuse to do it anymore. I will no longer subscribe to the idea that choosing between two alleged—I say alleged to not get sued, but I believe Tara Reade and all of Trump’s accusers—rapists is democracy. It’s not. You’re trying to tell me the will of the people is Trump versus Biden in the year 2020? IT’S. NOT.
Here’s a cute listicle of the reasons why I won’t be voting for Joe Biden. I don’t have all day and I’m honestly not sure the WYV website can handle an article long enough to delineate everything bad he’s ever done,  so consider this fuckshit which is just the tip of the giant iceberg:

1. The Crime Bill and Subsequent Sucky Criminal Justice Views

The 1994 law co-authored by Joe Biden has been widely criticized as a racist policy which heavily increased the targeting, arrest, prosecution, and incarceration of brown and Black people. Biden doesn’t care though! He still stands by the bill, saying it helped restore crime-ridden American cities. Sounds about white.
If that wasn’t enough, Biden doesn’t want any of those incarcerated people he’s partially responsible for locking up to be able to vote while in prison! Letting all those people have rights might threaten his chances at winning the Democratic primary—and he couldn’t have that. What’s more dangerous than a felon voting? Maybe making a bunch of people leave their houses during a pandemic to vote for you in the Wisconsin primary despite recommendations from relevant public health officials to limit exposure?

Recommended: Electoral Politics Won’t Save Us. Here Is What To Do Instead.

2. Won’t Even Let Us Legally Smoke Weed While He’s Being a Bad President

Let the states decide, he says! That’s gone super well for us in the past. *blinks in slavery*

3. Doesn’t Want to Ban Fracking 

This is bad for the earth but good for Ru Paul’s business endeavors, I guess?

4. He’s Been Credibly Accused of Sexual Assault 

The Allyssa Milanos of the world might only care about rape allegations when they involve Republicans, but EYE believe Tara Reade. I am horrified by the fact that many of the same people who championed the #MeToo movement and highlighted the allegations against Trump are pretending they don’t know what Tara Reade so bravely shared.
Every single time I say I’m a prison abolitionist, people ask me what we’ll do with the rapists. We’ll let them run for president, Karen. And we’ll shame the people who don’t unite behind the Democratic rapist to beat the Republican rapist.

5. Doesn’t Want to Abolish ICE 

Just a reminder that there are about 34,000 people in ICE custody at the moment, and there have been reports of groups of 70 detainees sharing five bars of soap during a global pandemic. But fuck immigrants, am I right?

6. The Way He Brings Up His Friend Barack Whenever He’s Accused of Being Racist 

I feel like the 44th President of the United States being your one Black friend is a weird flex, but ok.

7. Was Against Integration… What Does His Friend Barack Think?!

This man straight up said that de-segregation would cause his kids to grow up in a “racial jungle.” Literally, what does that mean? Not sure how someone could spin this to not be wildly racist and offensive, but I’d love to see Kamala “that little girl was me” Harris try!

Recommended: Liberalism Demands That Victims Vote For More Rape Culture

8. Anita Hill 

We have Clarence Fucking Thomas on the Supreme Court thanks in part to Joe Biden. Are we sensing a theme here?!

9. Not into Universal Healthcare

We are in the middle of a public health crisis unlike anything we have ever seen. At the same time, millions are losing their health insurance because it was tied to their employment status and they were fired or furloughed. You know where that shit doesn’t happen? In countries with universal healthcare. The United States just lets people die of completely preventable things because we have a privatized healthcare system. That’s literally evil and Joe Biden won’t get behind Medicare for All despite knowing all of this.
These were just nine of the reasons I will not vote for Joe Biden for president in November. There are a myriad of other reasons, but I think any one of the ones I mentioned could be considered disqualifying from the party of the so-called left.
I don’t want you to interpret my sheer rage with the Democratic Party as hopelessness, though. The reason I’m an anarchist is because I’m hopeful. I actually believe that we as people have the capacity to care deeply for each other. I think that a new world is possible. Organizers, activists, and scholars have been writing about it and working for it for far longer than I’ve called myself a radical. We can join them in their quest to make this world more equitable, safer, and better for everyone. The best part is that we can do that without having to cast a vote for either racist rapist running for president in 2020.
All power to all the people (except Joe Biden)

Written by Reina Sultan

Tim Pool - The fakest Liberal

     I used to love political season. Then Bush was appointed to the White House in a move by the Supreme Court that amounted to treason on the part of all the justices who placed party before rule of law. Then I just couldn't deal with Republicans in any manner. I couldn't engage them in rigorus debate anymore because they were just too evil to deal with,
     They still are only now they are straight up demonic.Satanic in all they legislate and their thinking. Trump has demagogued Brown people, Middle Eastern and Latino, to the point where people are aiming at us as though open season on Brown folks is back. It never left only now with the internet we can see it more readily.
     Liars claiming to be of the Left are being given ample television time and news print all over. Tim Pool is one of those guys. He hates "identity politics" however in every interview I have seen with him and his stupid cap, grow up dummy, he reiterates often that his mom is Asian. Like a lunatic on the Right he can do it but if you do it you are playing, "race politics" which is a term Alex Jones used, back when he had airtime, a lot.
       Here is all you need to know about Timmy:

• Pool claimed that the media "took the bait" on the 4chan fashtag hoax. They didn't.^[21]
• Pool jumped to support Jacob Wohl's allegation that Robert Mueller had raped Carolyne Cass.^[22] Said allegation was a spectacular hoax.^[23]
• On 5 November 2018, Pool claimed Republicans would retain a House majority, because the "polls are wrong".^[24] He was wrong.
• Discussing the NPVIC, Tim "liberal btw" Pool stated that "one of the problems with the Democrats and many people on the left, and it's true for everybody, but something I've seen repeatedly among left-wing activists and the far-left, is that they don't think about what the result will actually be". Pool also claims that, because (thus far) all NPVIC signatories are blue states, "this opens the door for California to give 55 electoral votes to a Republican should they win the popular vote. This plan will not help Democrats, it will only help Republicans."^[25] In reality, the NPVIC only goes into effect once member states have 270 votes (an absolute majority) to avoid this exact scenario, because its designers weren't fucking idiots.
• In response to a joke tweet by a joke Twitter account,^[26] Pool created a video titled "Socialist OUTRAGED Says Capitalism Is BAD Because We Don't All Own Factories"^[27]
• Despite interviewing far-right personalities for two years, Pool doesn't know what the Great Replacement conspiracy theory is^[28]
• Pool got owned by the /r/ENLIGHTENEDCENTRISM subreddit.^[29]
• Pool openly praised Adolf Hitler as "a certain World War Two-era hero".^[30] He later edited this comment out of his video.^[31]
• Pool admits that Alex Jones fans and the mentally ill have a lot in common^[32]
• Pool can't decide if social justice is good or not^[33]
• Pool touts his support of public healthcare in an attempt to garner himself some lefty street cred and duck charges of being a right-winger. Then, attacks AOC's green new deal because it includes public health care.^[34]
• Pool can't decide if Amazon pays taxes^[35]
• Tim Pool doesn't understand how box plots or percentiles work, and fails to understand what graphs are telling him.^[36]
• He can't even quote his "sources" on President Trump's aggregate poll ratings for impeachment and then fails to bring up the correct favorability rating when debating Sam Seder.^[37] 
•  
• 
  
  38. Media Takes 4Chan Bait, Runs Hashtag Hoax Story^[a w], Tim Pool, YouTube
  39. 
      
  40. https://archive.fo/jnC8b
  41. 
      
  42. This is how Jacob Wohl created a sexual harassment accusation against Robert Mueller, Gus Garcia-Roberts and Christal Hayes, USA Today
  43. 
      
  44. Republicans Will Win Midterms, Polls Are Wrong^[a w], Tim Pool, YouTube
  45. 
      
  46. Democrats Move To Bypass Electoral College, This Is A HUGE Mistake^[a w], Tim Pool, YouTube
  47. 
      
  48. dudes be like "i love capitalism" like okay wheres your factory? wheres your capital? you dont even own your car, Comrade Valentina, Twitter
  49. 
      
  50. Socialist OUTRAGED Says Capitalism Is BAD Because We Don't All Own Factories^[a w], Tim Pool, YouTube
  51. 
      
  52. Tim, it's extremely weird that you're a journalist who talks to and about "white identitarian" movements and the contents of the Christchurch shooter's manifesto, which was literally called The Great Replacement, yet you seem to not know what the "Great Replacement" theory is., Cody Johnton, Twitter
  53. 
      
  54. Tim Pool, renowned centrist, missing the point of this sub., Reddit
  55. 
      
  56. https://streamable.com/gs1o3
  57. 
      
  58. You can clearly see the edit at around 18:28.
  59. 
      
  60. https://blather.io/fallacies/tim-pool-defending-alex-jones-55
  61. 
      
  62. https://blather.io/fallacies/tim-pool-cant-make-up-his-mind-about-social-justice-668
  63. 
      
  64. https://blather.io/fallacies/813
  65. 
      
  66. https://blather.io/fallacies/tim-pool-cant-decide-if-he-wants-to-help-amazon-680
  67. 
      
  68. https://twitter.com/Timcast/status/1124804639562584066
  69. 
      
  https://twitter.com/RationalDis/status/1185754353308712963

You're already there

I asked God in a moment of despair, “What is my purpose?”

A voice in my head spoke clearly, “What if I told you it was when you took an hour to talk to that kid and listened more than spoke? Or when you let that mother get in front of you in the parking lot. When you helped that man who had a stroke onto the bus because he was falling and you caught him, when you bought lunch for that older couple, when you rescued those who you call your “babies”
You’re equating purpose with goal based achievements. Life is made up of moments that echo in other people’s lives. not in a degree, or an award. I’m not interested in your achievements I am interested in your heart. When you choose kindness, compassion and love in the face of fear and hate or just choose it period THAT is your purpose. No need to align with anything you are already there.

Good Cop Bad Cop

Ice Cube still brings them heat rocks. No compromise ever.

Good cop, good cop, rollin' with that bad cop
What you doing boy, turning that blood clart
Buck shot shot, they fire through the drug spot
Robots, can't give a damn who the fuck's shot
Clean cop, clean cop, fucking with that dirty cop
Don' act like yo ass never heard of that
Clean cop, clean cop, rollin' with that mean cop
Still tryna' act proud as peacock
You know that mean cop might need a detox
Motherfucker' tryna blow me out my Reebox
But I swing like Jack and the Beanstalk
Chop them down, when these bitches tryna lock me down
Hit the ground, hit the turf, walk the earth
Cube kidnap your mind, Patty Hearst
Bust a verse, that make your ass hit reverse
Kill the curse that was placed on the universe
West coast, war lord
Blacker, than the black knight
Fuck a black and white, the winner ain't actin' right
Good cop, good cop fillin' out your report
Bad cop asking you to distort
Bad cop asking you to lie in court
Send another young brother up north
Send another young sister off course
While these motherfuckers chill on the golf course

Black police showin' out for the white cop
White police showin' out for the black cop
Black police showin' out for the white cop
White police showin' out for the black cop

Lazy cop, fuckin' with that crazy cop
Always braggin', bout that new case they got
Do or die cop, with that suicide cop
Tell the truth cop, with that true or lie cop
Bro you fuckin' high cop, don't even try cop
Ain't no motherfuckin' drugs up in my spot
All you find in my closet is the high top
And my motherfuckin' tickets to the sky box
Hold up nigga, I'm a rider
Youse a roll up
Yep, dick controller
Make me mad, that's when I get swole up
The Incredible Hulk is bipolar
Come after cuffs, knock off the rust
Throw my hands up, you still wanna bust
The Trojan horse, is full of the sense of force?
When they try get aggressive, niggas off the porch

Black police showin' out for the white cop
White police showin' out for the black cop
Black police showin' out for the white cop
White police showin' out for the black cop

Good cop, good cop, where is your dignity?
Where's your empathy?
Where is your sympathy?
Bad cop, where's your humanity?
Good cop, is that just a fantasy?
Hell on that nigga, snitch on that bitch
Truth be told, motherfuck the blue code
Fuck the po-po actin' like Deebo
Already know Craig let the brick go
Black Lives Matter, it's not chit chatter
'Cause all they wanna do, is scatter brain matter
A mind is a terrible thing to waste
A nine is terrible in your face
The mace has a terrible fuckin' taste
The pen is a terrible fuckin' place
The kings all hate the fuckin' ace
The judge sabotaged my fuckin' case
Racist motherfucker

Black police showin' out for the white cop
White police showin' out for the black cop

GSHOM - Nightmare fuel for any real men

I am just tired of being and making myself small. From dropping my natural bass voice, from shrinking to look small, from toning down how I dress to the language I use. I worked for the Girl Scouts for 13 years and one day when I got fired.
I got fired because of numerous reasons but the main one is that I had the audacity to be unaccommodating to White people.I stopped taking shit from the 99% White women in that organization who felt the freedom to speak and do to me anything they felt like. Priscilla, who in my opinion is perhaps one of the dumbest people, not women, people I have ever met let alone been forced to work for.
I get along with damn near everyone, the White men who worked there I never had a problem with but the White women? All damn day. One would take extra long lunches without a word said. If I were 10 minutes late it would take a half hour "talking to" about not being responsible to only take an hour. One woman would cry at least three times a day. That makes for a great environment but if I had the audacity to tell her to stop that shit, take it to a therapist or quit then I was the bad guy. One White woman came to my desk, raised her right hand and said, "How". I called her out for being a bigot but somehow ended up being the bad guy. Mind you each and every one of the buffalo I was working with, and I call them buffalo because even though I am six foot even and run 280 lbs I was one of the smaller people in the office, I was the bad guy. They rallied around one another when I would get tired of their shit and call them out. They would then run to Priscilla so shoe could work out her sick sexual impulse and put me down. She did this because her husband was a pear shaped, bearded shlub who had no job or job prospects. She hated me and I was her easy target.
If I had a complaint about the bullshit Priscilla had the amazing ability to turn it around onto me. Somehow make whatever these women were doing was my fault. On a weekly basis you couldn't tell who's turn it was to be the pain in the ass. They would back bite, throw each other under the bus, pick on and alienate. They all took turns doing this to each other. I stayed out of it because I am a man, I'm not toxic, I'm not hyper-masculine I am an Original Man. I am a proud Latino/Native man and I show that. I am unabashed proud to be Brown, and proud to be in love and married with a White woman. I have no problem with White women, check my friend-list. I have a problem with idiots who have kissed ass and failed their way to top. I have a problem with Whites getting scared at the slightest sign of anything that does not value the life of Brown people.
I'm tired of shrinking to keep these snowflakes happy and make them feel safe. Look at the mass shootings and serial killers. They are afraid of the wrong people.
These were and are the most intellectually lazy people I have ever met. Brain dead morons who will meander thru life dumb as when they graduate high school. Example. We were assigned a book to read. Read one and a half pages a week and these lazy asses couldn't bring themselves to do it and try to run a book club where the bitches don't read. Girl scouts is for middle and upper middle class white girls to teach them to not be self-sufficient but to blame men and hate men. It's a money grab group that hustles card board tasting cookies and makes the mothers do all the work. The buffalo in charge of cookies would be gone when most deliveries were to be picked up leaving me and one other person to do her job while doing our own. Lazy isn't string enough to define her. Obese, stank and insecure to the point of pathology is her description. The CEO was a narcissist who liked ot brag about being a scientist, one who did not practice science, considered herself high class, a wine connoisseur and all around diva and modern woman who was nothing like that. She is and was a shit leader and a poor fundraiser who alienated everyone who could have been helpful. Within two years she lost over 80% of the staff that was originally part of Michigan. All the young and energetic people left leaving Girl Scouts to be run by old White women from the Eisenhower era without a clue about what today's society is like. I've seen more than one cry about having to try to navigate Facebook.
It's a nightmare I am glad is over. I hope all of them get every single thing they have ever desired,















%

MIxed and sincere

I read a post that a friend of mine, who is part Native write about being treated shitty by both sides of his family. I know a woman who is half Guatemalan half White who wrote a heartbreaking post about how people in the Latino community ignore her or even worse have the damned audacity to treat her like an outsider and leave her ignored or alone often. She has since stopped going to gatherings for Latin people. She told me, and I believe her, that our sisters and brothers treat Whites better. Of course they do. One of the reasons is Whites have money and cash rules.
I would like those who are of mixed ancestry that I see you. I can see you trying to learn our culture even though you didn't get raised in it. It must seem so foreign and yet you continue. I know you were not raised among us but you have a real passion to work for us to find a place in our community and you feel a responsibility towards us even though we, some of us, treat you like crap.
I know the frustration of having Native features, facial structure, jaw structure even body type and sometimes dark skin but you don't have a pedigree card and that pushes you away. Having White skin but knowing our culture but being ignored by those of us with brown skin because you have White skin or even worse Black skin!
I know you have no connection to your ancestral lands but you have the knowledge and the freedom, fought for so much, to pray like you live right there. You might be helpless to survive in the wilderness but you have a job, a house and a family you take are of the warrior class. I see you out and about. I see you at gatherings sitting and watching the dancers and listening to the drums. Feeling the same thing I feel. I see you and I notice how you try to be respectful.
Creator will pay you for your patience and your ability to put up with the bullshit of others. Remember this, Not every brother is a brother. It was Black men that murdered Maclom X and it was Native men who killed Ana Mae Aquash.
You're noticed.

This is not what I wanted

LOVE ME 100%

“I am of the opinion that if you do not love 100 percent of who I am, off you fucking fuck.

That’s not arrogance. That’s not narcissism.

That’s the way every single person in this room should feel about themselves. Because if you do not love 100 percent of who I am, you do not love me. You love an idea of me which you have falsely fabricated in your head, and it is not my fault if I do not live up to those expectations. 

You have to love the good with the shit…

You have to love 100 percent of me, because that’s what makes me me.

If you don’t love 100 percent of who I am, there are 7.5 billion people on this planet; go out and find one of them, see if you love 100 percent of them…

- Daniel Sloss

Sloss is a Scottish comedian but when I heard these words I didn't find them funny. I found them profound. I found them hurtful because I have had people tell me they love me yet I am alone.
I'm married, almost 15 years and we love each other but there are some conditions involved. I really have to watch my behavior because the wife has broken up with me before because of depressive episodes.
A man whom I thought was as closer to me than a brother does not confide in me, does not include me and honestly our conversations, not all, are often pablum to fill time.
Depression is so devastating because like diabetes it affects things in your life that are not seen. Those of us with this disease are masters of faking it and to be honest I have been faking it most of my life but there are times when I just don't have the strength to fake it and those are the days I remain quiet and try not to indulge in any conversation. I keep my trap shut and hold it all to myself.
Not the healthiest of options but I have two people who tell me they love me and they do. Provided I can deliver when they want something. This is not the life I thought I would have and it is not what I expected. What did I expect? I'm smiling because I can't say other than I didn't want this.
Maybe, just maybe I am the one who should love me 100%. Foibles and all. Mistakes, oddities, quirks, and everything. Out of seven and half billion people, I just might be the only one. After all. I am the only one I can trust, I am the only one who can achieve what I want when I set my mind to it.
This is not what I wanted, but it is what I have.

Tonglen

     I have had and have a broken heart. Not all of my broken hearts are by my design but by the actions of others of which I am well aware I have zero control over. Reminds me of a reading of Pema Chodron's that God helped me stumble across just a few days ago when a depressive episode was raging. I kept escape sleeping and during one of the few times, I was awake that day I came across it.

“There comes a time when the bubble of ego is popped and you can’t get the ground back for an extended period of time. Those times, when you absolutely cannot get it back together, are the most rich and powerful times in our lives.” ~ Pema Chodron

Deep huh? I thought so too. In the middle of feeling heartbroken, lost, confused, lonely and fearful beats the heart of sadness. Genuine sadness and not just the chemical imbalance kind but sadness that everyone who is not a sociopath can relate to.

It's a Buddhist teaching that the noble heart can be buried under a confluence of negative emotions for decades but once it is touched and allowed to be embraced and therefore shown to the world no matter how much we commit ourselves to unkindness, greed or selfishness it comes out unscathed by years of abuse the bodhicitta [wakeful human nature] cannot be lost. It is our real human nature and it is here within us our entire lives.

My kola always says the longest journey is the 12 inches from your head to your heart.

In my experience, we fool ourselves by trying to protect ourselves from suffering. We think it is being kind to ourselves. Regrettably, that is not the truth. Doing that makes us more fearful, more hardened and it alienates us even more. It makes us more alienated from each other. This thinking makes us believe in the separateness of God and others. We build a wall around us that we say is to keep us safe but it becomes a prison. Inside this prison, we are kept company by personal hopes and fears and to caring for only those that we choose to love. Fuck the strangers, we just focus on our 'peeps' and do not identify with others as being as human as we are. Having the same foibles and issues we have.

Like Pema points out, when we close ourselves off from others in order to not experience discomfort we suffer. Often suffering more than those we close ourselves off from. Here is where boundaries are important. Don't become a doormat where others, who don't know better or worse yet DO know better attempt to take advantage of our good nature.

The Dalai Lama describes two kinds of selfish people—the wise and the unwise. Unwise selfish people only think of themselves—and the result is confusion and pain. Wise selfish people know that the best thing they can do for themselves is to be there for others. As a result, they experience joy.

Damn what a lesson to learn. I seem to be the hardest headed dude in the known world because I only have learned these things the hard way. I remind myself on the daily that we are here to be of service we are not here to be served. So in my morning prayers, I ask God to make me of service to better do his will and be able to bear witness to his power and love. 

The instructions of Tonglen are unsurprisingly simple. I did not use the word easy I used the word simple. Two very different things. ( I have defineTonglen as a practice of making space. Opening the atmosphere of our lives so that people can be relaxed and free around us. None of this spooky shit of, "That (Medicine man, Shaman, Priest, Monk, etc can look right thru you." That creates unease and people choose to stay away from that person for fear of them seeing something that is embarrassing or something private that they are not willing to share at that moment. Plus it plays into the spookism of God so fuck that noise.) When we practice and remember Tonglen's instruction is a practice of creating space. When we encounter any form of suffering in others Tonglen's instruction is to breathe it in with a wish that everyone can be free from pain. Conversely, when we encounter happiness we breathe it out sending it out with a wish that everyone could fell such joy.

She further writes:

It is a practice that allows people to feel less burdened and less cramped, a practice that shows us how to love without conditions.) sending and receiving, is designed to awaken the bodhicitta. To put us in touch with a genuine noble heart. It is a practice of taking in pain and sending out pleasure, and therefore completely turns around our well-established habit of doing just the opposite.

We all need someone to encourage us to not belittle what we feel. To be unashamed of any love we feel and to be unafraid of pain as those two things can teach us the best lessons of ourselves.

"Nuff said.

What a miracle you are

     I have a niece who is pregnant and she has the cutest baby bump. Every pregnant woman has the cutest baby bump. Actual life is gestating in there and to my little mind that is so amazing and miraculous, it amazes me. I don't have any kids of my own but I am blessed beyond measure as to how many I am uncle to. The people who bless me by calling me uncle are the most fantastic, genius level individuals you could ever meet.
     Maybe you don't know this or maybe you have never taken the time to think about it. Everything about you – The color of your eyes and hair, height, shoe size, weight….all of that matter and scientific miracles – was at one time encoded into a small dot, too tiny for the human eye to see. One sperm, a single sperm out of hundreds and millions of sperm, made its way to an egg. With that action, your immortal soul in this tiny dot, the physical plane became manifest, immortal and splendor in form. Sit back and think of how powerful you are, how exorbitant, and attention blowing this life is? Now, …tell me again about your problems, simple rudimentary issues that are unworthy to be spoken by the voice of God. If that little dot carried the consciousness and coding for your physical self. Then it carried the power and limitlessness of your spiritual self. How are you gonna play small, mediocre, and afraid? If you did nothing for the rest of your life, you’ve already exhibited greatness, so I ask, why don’t you finish strong? Maybe I think of this because I am closer to the end than I am the beginning. Get grateful, embrace abundance, bring positive energy, it takes the simple changing of the mind to change your frequency. When YOU change your energy then the people and animals around you change theirs. I've seen it and so have you if you paused and paid attention.