From the Drummer of Mötley Crüe, Tommy Lee (Not really)
Dear Fucking Lunatic,
At your
recent press conference - more a word salad that had a stroke and fell
down stairs, you were CLEARLY so out of your depth you needed scuba
gear. Within minutes of going off air your
minions were backpedaling faster than Cirque De Soliel acrobats... In
India a week ago, i couldn’t get past the bit about your being the most
popular visitor in the history of fucking india — a country of a BILLION
human souls that’s only 3000 years old, give
or take.!!! Trust me - Gandhi pulled CROWDS.. You pulled a cricket
stadium and half WALKED out...
Do you
know how fucking insane you sound, you off-brand butt plug? That's like
the geopolitical equivalent of “that stripper really likes me” — only
10,000 times crazier and less self aware.
You are
fucking exhausting. Every day is a natural experiment in determining
how long 300 million people can resist coring out their own assholes
with an ice auger. Every time I hear a snippet
of your Queens-tinged banshee larynx farts, I want to scream!
We are fucking tired. As bad as we all thought your presidency would be when Putin got you elected, it’s been inestimably worse.
You called a hostile, nuclear-armed head of state “short and fat.” How the fuck does that help?
You
accused a woman — a former friend, no less — of showing up at your
resort bleeding from the face and begging to get in. You, you, YOU — the
guy who looks like a Christmas haggis inexplicably
brought to life by Frosty’s magic hat — yes, you of all people said
that.
You attempted — with evident fucking glee — to get 24 million people thrown off their health insurance.
You
gave billions away to corporations and the already wealthy while
simultaneously telling struggling poor people that you were doing
exactly the opposite.
You endorsed a pedophile, praised brutal dictators, and defended LITERAL FUCKING NAZIS!
Ninety-nine percent of everything you say is either false, crazy, incoherent, just plain cruel, or a rancid paella of all four.
Oh, by
the way, Puerto Rico is still FUBAR. You got yourself and your family
billions in tax breaks for Christmas. What do they get? More paper
towels?
Enough,
enough, enough, enough! For the love of God and all that is holy, good,
and pure, would you please, finally and forever, shut your feculent
KFC-hole until you have something valuable
— or even marginally civil — to say?
You are
a fried dick sandwich with a side of schlongs. If chlamydia and
gonorrhea had a son, you’d appoint him HHS secretary. You are a
disgraceful, pustulant hot stew full of casuistry, godawful
ideas, unintelligible non sequiturs, and malignant rage.
You are the perfect circus orangutan diaper from Plato’s World of Forms.
So fuck you Mr. President. And fuck you forever.
Oh, and
Pence, you oleaginous house ferret. Fuck you, too. You'll be as useful
as a chocolate teapot against a medical crisis you Bible thumping cock
socket.
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