Tonglen

     I have had and have a broken heart. Not all of my broken hearts are by my design but by the actions of others of which I am well aware I have zero control over. Reminds me of a reading of Pema Chodron's that God helped me stumble across just a few days ago when a depressive episode was raging. I kept escape sleeping and during one of the few times, I was awake that day I came across it.

“There comes a time when the bubble of ego is popped and you can’t get the ground back for an extended period of time. Those times, when you absolutely cannot get it back together, are the most rich and powerful times in our lives.” ~ Pema Chodron

Deep huh? I thought so too. In the middle of feeling heartbroken, lost, confused, lonely and fearful beats the heart of sadness. Genuine sadness and not just the chemical imbalance kind but sadness that everyone who is not a sociopath can relate to.

It's a Buddhist teaching that the noble heart can be buried under a confluence of negative emotions for decades but once it is touched and allowed to be embraced and therefore shown to the world no matter how much we commit ourselves to unkindness, greed or selfishness it comes out unscathed by years of abuse the bodhicitta [wakeful human nature] cannot be lost. It is our real human nature and it is here within us our entire lives.

My kola always says the longest journey is the 12 inches from your head to your heart.

In my experience, we fool ourselves by trying to protect ourselves from suffering. We think it is being kind to ourselves. Regrettably, that is not the truth. Doing that makes us more fearful, more hardened and it alienates us even more. It makes us more alienated from each other. This thinking makes us believe in the separateness of God and others. We build a wall around us that we say is to keep us safe but it becomes a prison. Inside this prison, we are kept company by personal hopes and fears and to caring for only those that we choose to love. Fuck the strangers, we just focus on our 'peeps' and do not identify with others as being as human as we are. Having the same foibles and issues we have.

Like Pema points out, when we close ourselves off from others in order to not experience discomfort we suffer. Often suffering more than those we close ourselves off from. Here is where boundaries are important. Don't become a doormat where others, who don't know better or worse yet DO know better attempt to take advantage of our good nature.

The Dalai Lama describes two kinds of selfish people—the wise and the unwise. Unwise selfish people only think of themselves—and the result is confusion and pain. Wise selfish people know that the best thing they can do for themselves is to be there for others. As a result, they experience joy.

Damn what a lesson to learn. I seem to be the hardest headed dude in the known world because I only have learned these things the hard way. I remind myself on the daily that we are here to be of service we are not here to be served. So in my morning prayers, I ask God to make me of service to better do his will and be able to bear witness to his power and love. 

The instructions of Tonglen are unsurprisingly simple. I did not use the word easy I used the word simple. Two very different things. ( I have defineTonglen as a practice of making space. Opening the atmosphere of our lives so that people can be relaxed and free around us. None of this spooky shit of, "That (Medicine man, Shaman, Priest, Monk, etc can look right thru you." That creates unease and people choose to stay away from that person for fear of them seeing something that is embarrassing or something private that they are not willing to share at that moment. Plus it plays into the spookism of God so fuck that noise.) When we practice and remember Tonglen's instruction is a practice of creating space. When we encounter any form of suffering in others Tonglen's instruction is to breathe it in with a wish that everyone can be free from pain. Conversely, when we encounter happiness we breathe it out sending it out with a wish that everyone could fell such joy.

She further writes:

It is a practice that allows people to feel less burdened and less cramped, a practice that shows us how to love without conditions.) sending and receiving, is designed to awaken the bodhicitta. To put us in touch with a genuine noble heart. It is a practice of taking in pain and sending out pleasure, and therefore completely turns around our well-established habit of doing just the opposite.

We all need someone to encourage us to not belittle what we feel. To be unashamed of any love we feel and to be unafraid of pain as those two things can teach us the best lessons of ourselves.

"Nuff said.