Depression is:

DEPRESSION IS:

I sat on the bench watching the waves. My doctor said this vacation I should spend near water so Lake Michigan here I come.

When you have depression nothing matters. You can’t bring you self to take a shower some days let alone interact with people. I hate people. They will let you down, they will turn on you, they will forget about you, they will treat you as an afterthought, they will lie and they will leave.

It’s kinda cold out so hardly anyone is on the beach or here on the pier. I am wearing a light zip up sweatshirt from EMU and as I look around I am under dressed but I don’t get hot like other people.

I flip my phone over and over in my hand and stop to look at her messenger response. It’s non-committal in it’s entirety and that makes me mad as in insane.

I sit and notice that it is kinda cold out here on the lake in late September. Wind is blowing my hair every which a way and I didn’t bring a hair tie of course. To the other people I must look crazy just sitting here and not moving, reading, drawing or anything.

I can do all those things but depression can and will rob you of the want to do anything.

I’m often asked if I am suicidal and the answer is no, I don’t want to kill myself I just don't want to be here anymore. Wonder if normal people feel that way? I compare being depressed as to having a broken heart and not knowing why. Everything looses it’s appeal. I watch television but it is just background. I sleep my days away as if I accumulate enough days asleep when I wake it will be a better day. The dreams I have of dying make me smile when I wake up.

Not good.

Stomach is angry because of the anxiety disorder and that makes me mad. I hate panic attacks. I pace and sweat and sometimes cry, only if asked a question or if I have to reply, I shake and my thoughts race. Sometimes they last an hour and I can throw anything at them and nothing will knock me out to make them stop.

I’m getting old and I don’t want too. I don’t want to be seventy and on my own, I don’t want to live in a care home where I will just do more of what I do on a daily basis. Watch TV and wait for a meal. I eat once a day and that is plenty.

The thing that pisses me off the most about having depression is the constant exhaustion. I’m just so fucking tired I can’t believe it. I suffer. I really do and I can’t talk about it because someone always has the bright fucking idea to “snap out of it”, “Pray more”, “Change you r thoughts”, “Meditate” or any number of stupid shit . People can be so unaware of a situation.

This woman once said to me, “Life is a buffet! Take what you want and if it’s not good, come back and get something else.” If life is a fucking buffet I’m on a hunger strike. I’m going hungry and have been.

Depression is suicidal thoughts running thru your head that you will never act on until it’s time to act. I saw a motivational video of a man who survived a jump from the golden gate bridge and to be honest I was not inspired at all.

Depression is not giving a fuck at all and knowing it is all a fruitless endeavor. All of it.

Hell is empty because the devils vote republican

Hell is empty and all the devils are here

I have a friend, God bless his little heart, he is a major component of compassion and peace. He works with gangs and homeless and the non-spoken members of society. He doesn’t believe in evil people. He thinks people are misguided. He thinks that they make choices based in either fear or love.

It’s a simple, New Age philosophy made to explain complex humans. It of course doesn’t take into consideration the complexity of human emotions, social life, economic circumstances and just plain old thought processes.

I believe in evil. I have seen it, participated in it and had it thrust on me. I’m not under the impression that a devil is like the biblical devil. Red with horns and a pitchfork or like that chick on the exorcist.

Republicans are the devil. Not collectively but individual devils. They are bad for America in each and every single way. Economically they are greedy selfish petulant children They are racist, they are cold hear-ted and cruel. They are sick and twisted sexually, they are demented socially and are an overall parasitic cancer on people of color.

They experienced such psychological difficulty when Obama was elected, such fear that Brown folks were going to take away all of the privileges that Whites are afforded that in desperation they elected a White Supremacist who hates Brown and poor people to such a degree that he can’t even fake his contempt like Democrats do.

Separating children from their parents at the border is just the American way. George Washington did it, separating Native children from their parents and putting them in boarding schools, Japanese Interment Camps, Chinese Exclusion Laws, forced sterilization, abortions directed and aimed at women at color and hidden under the guise as “family planning”. That’s another thing devils are good at. Word play. Reagan used to talk about “States Rights” which is southern code for “Segregation Policies”.Republicans embraced this type of speech and parroted whatever was said. Lee Atwater was the devil who made up this “Southern Strategy” and once he discovered he was dying he repented and found God. A bit to casually and coincidental for my blood.

People are fleeing worn torn countries seeking asylum here in the United States. Problematic is that the US. Is the one causing and is the main reason for the unrest in Central and South America. When the people show up here what is the result? Separating the children from their parents which every pediatrician the world over says will cause a life time of trauma but what do Republicans and Trumpets say? They say “Fuck ‘em they are illegals”

Something is wrong with them spiritually. Something is missing, there is a piece of them that is gone from their spirit. They are not posessed in the classic sense of posession like some weird foreign entity has taken over them, no. They are evil not to the bone but to their very spirit they are evil, wicked bastards. Bastards in terms of their father is the God damned devil and no one else. If you are a Republican fuck you to the bone. Die in a fire you piece of shit.

Barr goes to far

 Roseanne Barr is not funny. 

Roseanne tweeted that Valarie Jarrett, a Obama staffer, 

was “Muslim Brotherhood and Planet of the Apes = VJ”  The next day her rebooted show on ABC

was shit canned. 

The president of ABC is a Black woman like Valarie Jarrett, which is to say 

she is more educated and classy than every single Republican and or Trump voter combined.
I’ve never thought she was funny. Her show the first time around wasn’t funny, her 

stand up wasn’t funny, her exploits weren’t funny, pretty much everything she did was not 

funny. Here’s the thing about Roseanne, she was born and raised in Utah as a Jew, which had 

to be insane, and she was poor. Two strikes out the door but she is White so she had that to 

fall back on which doesn’t engender much sympathy from me.
The picture above was her attempt at humor. She claims the cookies are not 

Jews but Palestanians. How that makes it better is beyond my thinking. 
Roseanne is a feckless, feeble minded, trailer park trash, bottom feeding Trump supporter. 

That’s really what she is. She’s typical of a Trump supporter. They had such psychological 

difficulty with a Black man, even though they would constantly point out he had a White mama,

 being in a position of power in this nation. Personal opinion of why they fixated on his 

mother is because being a cuck to an actual African is secretly one of many right wingers 

fantasy. I have no proof of that it’s just my opinion. Here is what is not my 

opinion: America has had a race problem since Columbus invaded the Arawak people. 

It’s not gotten better, just because you can fuck them doesn’t make it better, it’s gotten

 worse. The Tea Party, the Republicans, the evangelicals, the conservatives and all, 

EVERY SINGLE ONE, of the right wing are just bigots. The proof is that if there are not then 

why when shit like this or when Trump talks about “Mexicans coming here dealing drugs” 

and killing and taking jobs, or when he ignore Puerto Rico or when his supporters want 

to “Make America White Again” why is there no outrage? Where are the right wing nuts speaking 

out?
It caused great psychological difficulty when Obama was elected to White men which in turn 

made White women fearful which in turn made the rise of the right, the racists, a reality and in turn is destroying our nation. Roseanne, like any Kardashian, like any KKK member, like any Republican is a cancer in our society and I just have a hard time believeing there are more of them than there are of real people who don’t buy the ticket that the bigots sell.
Of course I could be wrong I just doubt it.